Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Disco-tastic

Its all about the delivery...

Especially with baby jokes.

I showed my doctor a rash I developed on my bits.
He took a look at it and said come see me tomorrow morning.
I said ok and he went back to shopping with his wife and kids.

That was a rash thing to do in a shop

Why don't skeletons go out at night?

Because they have no body to go out with.

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don't ask me what I'm doing tomorrow I don't have 2020 vision

'You know you're a Westie when......



1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local Pizza Shop on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Mortein on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a petrol cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your ute does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
20.. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your number plate personalised because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say ' Pizza Hut' on the side.
24.. The biggest city you've ever been to is Woolworths.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A cyclone hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th year graduation because you were on jury duty. [and
you were only in 5th year 'cause your father was in 6th]
30. You think fast food is hitting a kangaroo at 110.....