Thread: Jokes

I have a phobia of overly engineered buildings.


It's a complex complex complex.

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

Somebody asked if I was schizophrenic, dunno I said, we're in two minds about it.

My wife told me sex is better on holidays.


I wasn't expecting that on a postcard she sent me from Greece.

i feel sorry for the new head of clown recruiting.
big shoes to fill.

A man called his wife: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get a promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from the office so I’ll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh and please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!”

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.

The following weekend the man came home a little tired but looking good. The wife welcomed him and asked if he caught many fish on the trip.


He answered: “Yes, lots of salmon, blue gill & a few swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pyjamas?”

The wife scoffed and replied: “I did. They were in your fishing box.”

Originally Posted by Eevo

My wife told me sex is better on holidays.


I wasn't expecting that on a postcard she sent me from Greece.

Now I know why my wife goes on overseas holidays without me!

Having a chat with a bloke over a beer in my local last night. I discovered he was worth around $8 million and he told me the amazing story of how he got so rich. Basically when he left school he had little or no formal qualifications but he was good with his hands and he knew how to sell. He knew he was never going to make it in an office job so it was nose to the grindstone time.
He left school at 15 and bought an old series Land Rover and spent a few weeks fixing it up, he then sold it for profit.
He then used the money to buy another and so on.
He did this a lot over the next 35 years, buying, repairing, selling, buying again.
He eventually moved onto Defenders in the 90's and then onto Range Rovers in the last eight or nine years.
Even during the real bad times he plugged away.
He worked long hours as you do in the Land Rover trade, sometimes not seeing his wife and kids for days in pursuit of his goal.
Then his uncle died and left him $8 million.