Thread: Jokes

1983 version warning in this?

More than a few will have seen Austen Tayshus (aka Sandy Gutman) and written by Billy Birmingham (The 12th Man)
Very flaming funny - Especially over a beer with mates

Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere :

I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a snake with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him near the lake without incident, And carried on my fishing with the frog.
A little later I felt a nudge on my foot.
There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

The best time on the clock is 6-30 hands down.

A truck driver lives a long, healthy life. After millions of safely driven miles, he dies peacefully in his bed.
When he arrives in Heaven, Saint Peter greets him and says the he now may have any rig he desires. The driver describes his dream rig and it immediately appears before him.
Saint Peter tells him to drive to the closest truck stop and wait for his load. The driver hops in the cab and heads out quickly arriving at the closest truck stop, and what does he see.
Parked semis: Millions of them from the 1920s, the 30s, the 40s and so one. Every decade for the last century is represented, clear up to the 2022 models. All in pristine condition.
He walks into the diner and sees all of his favorite food available, his favorite TV show is on the monitor. He sits at an empty seat with a group of other drivers, orders his meal from the sweetie-pie waitress, and turns to his fellow truckers. "I was wondering, why is everyone here? Aren't there any loads to haul?"
One old, grizzled driver looks at him and says, "I arrived here back in 1920 and haven't had to leave this diner since I got here. Like everyone else, we're still waiting for the first dispatcher to make it to Heaven."

Originally Posted by NavyDiver

Not meaning to be disrespectful RIP Queen Elizabeth

this was too funny not to share

Attachment 180776

Must be a cushy number, teacup on desk & bugger all else unless the Mic is there to call the boats in after "Times up" on the lake.

He won't last at that age now, & then we will be going through all this again.

Oh hang on a tick, who had his 86th last week?

My wife floored me last night by pointing out that, due to recent world events, James Bond no longer works for her majesty's secret service.

At the dinner table a child asked Father, "What percentage of meat do these meatballs have?" Dad said About 90 per cent.
Child then said "They must be 10 percent Balls then."
Mother just about choked on her mouthful

Originally Posted by sashadidi

My wife floored me last night by pointing out that, due to recent world events, James Bond no longer works for her majesty's secret service.

Just the one, or all of them? That means Miss Moneypenny is jobless as well.


Anyone got her Mobile Phone No?


Saw an online photo of her (HMQ) with JB following her down the corridor of Buck House.

JB AKA Daniel Craig. "And Mr Trump maam?"

HM the Q AKA Elizabeth Windsor. "Just make it look like an accident 007"


May have even been on here, it was around Jubilee time before she baled out.

Well I thought it was humorous anyway.