Thread: Jokes

Q. When is it time to go to the dentist?

A. Two Thirty (pronounced Toothurty).

Not really a joke to me really.

Hook.jpg

FwPVPLCWYAMDWyo.jpg

Originally Posted by sashadidi

FwPVPLCWYAMDWyo.jpg

Shows how important punctuation is. A coma or full stop after the word hand gives this a totally different meaning.

Originally Posted by d2dave

Shows how important punctuation is. A ​coma or full stop after the word hand gives this a totally different meaning.

Absolutely, I'd say a few could even end up in a Coma after a visit to that kitchen......Grammar is also important

2 well known Politicians decided to go on a rural campaign, so they thought they'd better look the part.
As well as dressing in The R.M. Williams gear they thought it would be best to acquire a cattle dog to complete the image.

After an hour in one of the 2 local pubs in a Rural town, they left, smugly thinking they had done well and gathered lots of votes.
One mentioned to the other that they should get to the other pub to "strike while the iron's hot".

While in the 2nd pub, they couldn't help but notice more than a few blokes walking up to the cattle dog, lifting its tail up, then walking off shaking their heads.

After 1/2 an hour of this they asked the Pubs owner ( Bill ) "what's the reason for people lifting the dogs tail etc".
Bill replied, "Well, Reg, who owns the pub you left a while back, phoned before you got here to say to pass a message to all to be on the lookout for a Cattle Dog with 2 A*$****S.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Economy yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine."

Just follow my stock tips