Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Xtreme

According to ...........

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road, or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Nicolaus Copernicus: The chicken was moving at a slightly different orbital speed around the sun.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

Dr Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on that side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road.

Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?"

Dr Suess: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Why are so many people perplexed by this question, when it's so patently obvious there was a Coupe parked there?

Originally Posted by spudfan

It was just meant to be funny....

FUNNY? Ok I GET IT I was just waiting for a mention of your missus to crop up is all. Don't tell me she has at last seen your "secret" posts & now has you handcuffed to a kitchen chair in front of the oven & just about to push your head in?



"Those who play with fire etc, etc & so forth.

Stolen from elsewhere :
I have a mate who is is still on the land farming, he breeds cattle. Recently he spent $6,500 on a registered Black Angus bull.
He put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. He was beginning to think that he had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyway...... he had the Vet come and take a look at him. The vet said that the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave my mate some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all the cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of the neighbour's cows! He's like a machine!
I asked him what it was that the vet prescribed, he said that he didn't know what was in the pills... but they kind of taste like peppermint.

SURGERY GONE WRONG

This is NOT my mrs...

I think he doth protest too much.

With apologies to Billy.

Our youngest dog has just been de-nutted and is more upset about the cone of shame than anything else!

And this