Thread: Jokes

.

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,


when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.


'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures;

in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning woman.

"Hi there little girl, I'm Prime Minister Gillard. What do you have in the basket?" she asked.

"Kittens," little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Julia.

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

" Labour supporters," answered Suzy with a smile.

Julia GILLARD was delighted. As soon as she returned to her car, she called her PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, it was agreed that the prime minister should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC,Channel 7, SBS, Ten & Nine.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Gillard got out of her limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," she said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."

"Yes mam," Suzy said. "They're Liberals."

Taken by surprise, the prime minister stammered, "But... but... yesterday, you told me they were Labor supporters."

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."

In the light of political balance, you may prefer the joke this way:

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the footpath in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures;

in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a wirey grinning man.

"Hi there little girl, I'm Opposition Leader Tony Abbott. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.

"Kittens," little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Tony.

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

" Liberal supporters," answered Suzy with a smile.

Tony Abbott was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, it was agreed that the Opposition Leader should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, Channel 7, SBS, Ten & Nine.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Abbott got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."

"Yes sir," Suzy said. "They're Labor supporters."

Taken by surprise, Abbott stammered, "But... but... yesterday, you told me they were Liberal supporters."

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."

^^^^ They're all under fire ATM

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup, the Nigerian goalkeeperhas
personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans who travelled toSouthAfrica.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers tocompletethe transaction.

KFC have just created a new combo deal to celebrate the arrival of our new PM.
It's called a "Joolya".
It contains 2 big thighs, 2 small breasts and the left wing

Originally Posted by Disco Denmark

KFC have just created a new combo deal to celebrate the arrival of our new PM.
It's called a "Joolya".
It contains 2 big thighs, 2 small breasts and the left wing

And it all comes in a big red box.

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.




















The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.



2.How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?




















Did you say "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator"?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.















3 The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend .... except one. Which animal does not attend?























Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there, remember? This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.







4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?





















Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.