Thread: Jokes

Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and didn'tleave the house for 5 years.

It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself.

Very interesting,
Scientifically proven.................. Six Truths in Life


1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.













2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.





3. And discover #1 is a lie.





4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.





5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.





6. There is still a stupid smile on your face





I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company. You now have 2 options...delete it, or send it along to put a smile on someone's face today.

Using a small pistol.

WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 ?


A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."

A bloke and his lad are walking down the street to the shops to get a pint of milk and some eggs, bitter cold day it was.
On the way little "johnie" spots a bee in some flowers beside the footpath, stomps on it.
Dad says, "why did you do that? he wasn't hurting anyone, he was just out gathering food for his family, to teach you a lesson, NO honey for a month".
On the way back little "Johnie" spots a butterfly, out go the hands, clap, one squashed butterfly.
Dad says, "now why did you do that? he was just out getting some food, to teach you a lesson, NO butter for a month".
After dinner that night, bitter cold night, mother throws a log on the fire, there was a cockroach on that log.
Little "johnie" looks at dad, and says, "Well dad? are you going to tell her, or shall I?"

I'm voting Greece to win the Eurovision song contest.
Not because I think they are good,
I just want to see their Prime Minister's face when they realise how much the arena costs for next year.

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.

I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form
that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then
asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"I have also invented a folding carton."

Again she said "What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of
them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the
office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

I just got a $200 bet on with the local bookie..

Pretty happy.

I have bet $200 on Molly MELDRUM making the top of the ladder before Port Power....


Port are going that rough that the light blew in the coaches box and was out for 3 weeks until they could get a past player back to help...

Noone in the current side appears to be able to climb a ladder