Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by V8Ian

Three types, those who can count and those who can't.

Originally Posted by bsperka

There are 3 types of people in this world; those that can count and those that can't.

And those who can't read.

Originally Posted by Toxic_Avenger

And those that go off on a tangent

Who?

Originally Posted by V8Ian

And those who can't read.

That'll be four then

Why did Michael Jackson wear one white silk glove?
So he knew when he'd finished eating his Mars bar....

Cheers Rod

Sent from my GT-I9507 using AULRO mobile app

Originally Posted by V8Ian

And those who can't read.

That's four

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

Who?

That'll be four then

I'm guilty of the same crime , re quoting you !!..

Originally Posted by jimr1

I'm guilty of the same crime , re quoting you !!..

Great minds think alike. Feel free.

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".

Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another big saw.

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital.

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".

And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

"No", says the nurse, "Some dopey idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.

Subject: A rare clean joke..........



Butch the Rooster


Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.

Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.


To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only a warded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize"

they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.


Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election.

You can't always hear the bells