Thread: Jokes

My psychiatrist told me that I suffer from a split personality
Then he charged me $180.00
So I gave him half and told him to get the rest from the other guy

My wife and I decided only to smoke after sex. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day.

My wife’s cooking is so bad. In my family we say a prayer AFTER we eat.

I recently put a strobe light in the bedroom. Now when I make love to my wife it looks like she's moving.

.... as opposed to laying there like a sack of spuds.

Originally Posted by 4bee

.... as opposed to laying there like a sack of spuds.

Sometimes that's the better option....
Anywho......

I think this is a joke.

In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

Beethoven: "Are you guys ready for some symphonies tonight?"
Crowd: "Yeah!!!"
Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"