Thread: Jokes

My uncle was a self employed Lion tamer until the financial crisis of 2008 - the bank took nearly everything leaving him only with his pride.

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Kiwi joke (I was told by a Kiwi):

Q: Why do Aussies wear thongs?
A: Too dumb to tie shoelaces?

I was told this by an ozzie years ago .Whats the difference between the entire Australian nation and a pottle of yogurt?The yogurt has more culture.

Only heard it that day for the first time and it cracked me up so I posted it.

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Our oldest son, now 38, told us that joke when he was 4.

Originally Posted by sashadidi

I was told this by an ozzie years ago .Whats the difference between the entire Australian nation and a pottle of yogurt?The yogurt has more culture.

I lived in the UAE (specifically Dubai) for a "cough" few years. My common comment was "There's more culture in the dairy aisle of the supermarket". Apparently I'm cynical.

What do you call a dog with no legs ?

Dosent matter what you call him , he wont come anyway .

A drover, who just moved to Queensland from Victoria, walks into a bar and orders three glasses of XXXX. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, He comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the drover, "You know, a glass goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cattleman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One's in Tassie, the other one's a Sandgroper. When we all left our home in Echuca , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.So, I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The drover becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The drover looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs."Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that the doctor told me my liver’s shot and I have to quit drinking”"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?


A bad marksman shoots but can't hit.

Nothing suceeds like.....a toothless budgie.