Thread: Jokes

The old man lay in his bed. The Doctors could do nothing more for him. He knew he was dying but he was content, he had lived a long, eventful and happy life. His Children and Grand Children had brought their families from near and far to pay their respects and his mates had all come to see him. He could hear them all in the house, trying to keep their noise down, so as not to disturb him.

His loving Wife was busy baking in the kitchen and all sorts of enticing cooking smells wafted through the house. He smelled his very favourite cake and longed to taste one again. With a huge effort, he dragged himself out of bed and put on a dressing gown. He staggered slowly through the house to the kitchen and with delight, saw his favourite. He lifted his hand to take one, when WHACK, a wooden spoon hit it out of his hand. His Wife said "Don't touch those, they are for the wake after the funeral"

Bloke rings his missus and tells her the boss has invited him out on his boat for a few days fishing so could she get his fishing box,rods,and clothes for a few days including his new silk pyjamas and he will pick them up on the way.Bloke returns after a few days looking happy and relaxed and wife asks how the fishing went.Great the bloke replies but why didn't you pack my silk pyjamas Wife replies I did they
were in your fishing box

RENT ME FOR VALENTINES DAY


Friend Zone - $50
1 hour of basic hanging out. No touching or handholding. Just to make you feel less lonely. Only available morning or afternoon.


Innocent romance - $80
1 hour walk along the beach or in the park. Hand holding in private only. No photos.


We’re almost official! - $130
2 hour evening date, includes a meal or ice cream up to the value of $20. Includes public handholding and private kiss good night (no tongue). Extra $30 to pose for an insta pic


We’re DATING! - $220
Includes pickup, and 3 hour evening date. Dinner and movies with flowers and chocolates gift provided (photo opportunity available). Unlimited hand holding and kiss goodnight (with tongue). You will also get your name in my Instagram bio for 7 days after.

Originally Posted by Eevo

RENT ME FOR VALENTINES DAY


Friend Zone - $50
1 hour of basic hanging out. No touching or handholding. Just to make you feel less lonely. Only available morning or afternoon.


Innocent romance - $80
1 hour walk along the beach or in the park. Hand holding in private only. No photos.


We’re almost official! - $130
2 hour evening date, includes a meal or ice cream up to the value of $20. Includes public handholding and private kiss good night (no tongue). Extra $30 to pose for an insta pic


We’re DATING! - $220
Includes pickup, and 3 hour evening date. Dinner and movies with flowers and chocolates gift provided (photo opportunity available). Unlimited hand holding and kiss goodnight (with tongue). You will also get your name in my Instagram bio for 7 days after.

I know a couple of people that will take you up on that Eevo. Steve will do the $80 one and Richard will go for the $220. Your contact details so I can pass them on ?

My wife says i only have 2 faults

I dont listen and something else.....

Damn you Pop,...... now I just cannot get that image out of my head !

and to think that Ian is encouraging you, I must take a Bex and lie down

Originally Posted by Hogarthde

Damn you Pop,...... now I just cannot get that image out of my head !

and to think that Ian is encouraging you, I must take a Bex and lie down

Don't forget the cup of tea.

Originally Posted by Hogarthde

Damn you Pop,...... now I just cannot get that image out of my head !

and to think that Ian is encouraging you, I must take a Bex and lie down

Your welcome