Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by jonesfam

Hi guys, Covid - 19 WARNING !! Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave, toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing.
The hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.😬
The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it 😝.....pull myself together
Stay Safe and look after yourselves.
I hope this put a little bit of a smile on your face .

At a bit of a loose end, eh Paul?

Originally Posted by 4bee

Thanks Jonsey it certainly did, at first I though you might be going Troppo. All we need now is for you & eevo to fall out over who can tell e'm better.

No contest, Des.

I’m really concerned about my washing - one moment it’s just hanging around, but next it’s in a flap.
I tried talking-to the mower, but it just cuts me off at every turn, the whipper-snipper is really on-edge, and the garden fork gives me the same pitch every time.
That shovel, however, has absolutely no scruples - it keeps 'digging up the dirt in spades, forever looking for some new ‘scoop’ - the last thing it told me was that the shed had lost all its hair and was so embarrassed that it wouldn’t come into the house, but had self-isolated at the bottom of the yard.

Guyz. If yu gets a link called "free porn" don opin it.
It iz a chaineez birus wich deactivaits your spelcheck and garblis up you riting.
I also receibed it bat lukily I dont liks porn so I dint opin it.
Plaese worn yor frends
Kip Saif

Corona advice: If you keep a glass of vodka in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face. Stay safe.

Went to the supermarket this morning and watched a guy purchase a piñata, some paella and a sombrero.

I thought to myself... Hispanic buying.

My wife yelled from upstairs,
"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it with pins?"
Sounding concerned, I replied "No."

"How about now?"

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in.

Originally Posted by Eevo

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in.

The then SWMBO wasn't impressed when I used that one a long time ago

She also didn't appreciate the No Fear sticker on the rear of my race car tow vehicle.

I live with fear everyday.
But sometimes she lets me race.....