Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by d2dave

This is the Vic state government to a tee

Given that five of the six train types currently running on the Melbourne network can't fit into the new $14BILLION tunnel, you got that right.

Originally Posted by shack

Hmmmm, not sure that's a joke.

Maybe a prank or lie?

Maybe it was 29.5 litres per hd km?

A lot of the caravan forums I used to frequent had similar tall tales of 200 series towing a 3000kg van using 12.5.

Most of the local 200 series owners reckon they can often get it close to 12.5 L/100 without towing, maybe up to 13.5 L/100.


Somehow hooking a caravan on must put it into a super economical tow mode.

I guess if it makes you laugh, even in a scoffing kind of way it qualifies!!

I get around 12-13 towing my van but its not a small city on wheels like a lot think they need, not towing i can get it under 8 on a highway run at a constant speed.
No way in a V8 would he get more than 16mpg which is what the majority of US owners claim, certainly would need to be downhill with a hurricane behind.

Originally Posted by loanrangie

I get around 12-13 towing my van but its not a small city on wheels like a lot think they need, not towing i can get it under 8 on a highway run at a constant speed.
No way in a V8 would he get more than 16mpg which is what the majority of US owners claim, certainly would need to be downhill with a hurricane behind.

Imperial or US gallons?
When I had my D1 V8 I could regularly achieve north of 20 mpg, a figure many on this forum claimed was impossible. Driving style accounts for a lot. I tend to drive economically, but not necessarily for economy.

The reason cars have heated seats is because "rear defroster" was already taken.

For everyone frustrated with their computers and phones.....

A software engineer, a hardware engineer and a department manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside.

The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the department manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the hardware engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the software engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

 Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
 What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
 Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
 Why do bees stay in their hives during the winter? Swarm.
 If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
 Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
 A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
 I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
 Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
 How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
 I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
 My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
 I lost my girlfriend’s audio book, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

 Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
 Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
 When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
 Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
 Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence
 Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
 I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
 I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
 What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
 I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
 What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
 I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

Toupee.jpg

Originally Posted by shack

Hmmmm, not sure that's a joke.

Maybe a prank or lie?

Maybe it was 29.5 litres per hd km?

........................

My POS gets 20l / 100km................... using LPG.

DL