Thread: Embarrassment

Well guy i had one of my crappiest nights last night i went to bed upset sounds wussy i know but i was more ****ed off with myself than anything i havent slept yet just laid there i dont get back up as i make to much noise & i dodnt want to wake the others.It seems my ****edup brain is doing me in again i dont realy know how to convers well i ****ed dave off in my canoe thread & he was the first person to pm me with his number, i didnt mean to ,i took sleeps post the wrong way,i cant think i have been walking around in the house feeling useless & i know i'm starting to get to fatty & she is stressing & doesnt need it..i hate my life i hate what i do fatty i am so scared its not funny.i hate what happend to me cause i have only ever spoke to older people & it was 90% all about sex thanx to my father so i am haveing trouble trying to speak with you guys i class all of use as friends & use have all helped me so much & fatty.i get PMs off sleeps & aus so i feel a little closer to those two i dont mean to offend any of use thats just how i feel & i know use are all friends.i have no idea what to do what to say or what to write without upsetting anyone..I'm **** scared for young cody as he is a sensative kid & all his friends just **** on him i can see him ending up like me i"m worried micayla mite relaps back to panic attacks if we have to move away & she wont be able to get back to school & again end up like me . I am worried for fatty as she has the bigest shoulders she carries this family every where & it to much for her..I used to get on with my brother to some degree but it was all his way & it work as he treated me like my father did & i just did what ever he wanted .i used to go to his place everyday that way he wouldnt call in at our place ..he was allways drunk & everything was sex sex sex that probably why it worked as thats all i ****in know i use to send him all my rude pics jokes & he would send me some ..Again FATTY saved me by getting me away from it **** this woman is so strong..I think this will be my last post for some time as all i seem to do is stuff up i read things then take them the wrong way all the bloody time & write thing that dont seem to be the right way allway come out the wrong way.. Fatty use to have a friend no we use to have a friend her name was gail i trusted this lady with my life outside of karen that is & we where close & i realy miss her & the friendship we had a falling out never been the same since she never came back to our place & we never went back to her place. The lady that karen went out with on wednesday has aked her to clean her house on fridays so thats good she get $50 for it & she is trained for it she use to work at the wallsend hospital done all th training there before it closed down.& i feel like crap as i cant help to get some extra cash in i use to do up cars & sell them & it was good money for us but to do that again i would have to sell the rover & we just wont do that not this one we did it with our last one & it has taken to long to get here with this one & it will probably be our last car..,So i think this will be my last post for some time i will just read some & stay out of things....
I wish use all well
THANKYOU ALL GUYS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART JASON take care guys.

Hey Banjo,
Have you thought of seeing a trick-cyclist (pshychiatrist) god you must be suffering a huge amount of depression in your situation not going out feeling aggro, not sleeping it must all add up at the end.
As well as dealing with the cockhead across the way there.
And maybe they could advise you on coping skills as well which may well give you some more capability of getting a grip on life rather than it having a grip on you like it does, As it just isn't fair me old mate you guys need a life outside of your illness as it is obviously very controlling of what you guys do and it leads you to stressing about the kids and how they will cope with life,
It could be good all round.
You definatley need to compute what happened to you previously at the hands of your old man, and they can help with that, i am not sying it would be easy but wouldn't it be a beaut thing to be able to move beyond that at least and get you in a more positive place.
Now i want you to know what happened to you was not your fault and it's important for the other members whom you talk to just let you know that as well, it just re-affirms the value you lack in yourself(but we know you have heaps to offer), You have things to offer the planet Banjo, you have the skills i don't to overhaul my engine so we want you to get up and at em and on them spanners at some point lol !!!!
Sent with sincerity mate regards Andy.