Thread: Jokes

Some noisome noisy noises annoys some oysters more

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."


"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Originally Posted by mox

This highlights the misconception that is widely held by many people who have never experienced nudism/ naturism in a social situation such as a nude beach that going nude equates with sexual activity. Unfortunately the behaviour of a few idiots who seem to take this view can spoil nude beaches for the majority. On nude beaches where such misbehaviour is kept under control most women frequenting them could not care who sees them nude. However few are likely to make themselves available for sex other than with a bloke they are in some sort of relationship with and it would be done in private anyway. Many prostitutes would have a similar approach. Sex only with a boyfriend or with clients who pay the right price and otherwise behave themselves.


I found it interesting to note once in a social situation where others were skinny dipping, the attitude of a woman who had worked as a prostitute before and since who was there with her then boyfriend. She was a real prude and would not even take her top off!

The punch line is don't give away for free on Sunday what your "selling" on Monday

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield


He said...

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. .

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said..."Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Step 1:- Buy 3D printer.

Step 2:- Print 3D printer.

Step 3:- Return 3D printer.

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
To get to the same side.

A Husband is Down in Aisle 5!!








A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Tooheys and puts it in their cart.


"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.


"They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.


"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.


"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.


Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Tooheys and it's half the price."

That's him on Aisle 5.

Once upon a time....

there was a handsome fighter pilot who asked a beautiful princess to marry him.

she said 'no'

and the pilot lived happily ever after...

and flew fighters all over the world....

and drove hot cars and chased long-legged big breasted flight attendants.....

and hunted and fished....

and went to topless bars and dated women half his age...

and drank Weihentephaner german beer and captain morgan.....

and never heard bitching or paid child support or alimony.....

and kept his house and guns.....

and ate cold leftovers , potato chips and beans...

and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was flying...

and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool.....

and he had lots of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.....

THE END