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Thread: Jokes

  1. #2641
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    The Barber

    A Guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?

    The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'

    The guy left.

    A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

    The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'

    The guy left.

    A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

    The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half' .

    The guy left.

    The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour , follow him and see where he goes.

    He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

    A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

    The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'

    Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said....

    'Your house'
    Dave.

    I was asked " Is it ignorance or apathy?" I replied "I don't know and I don't care."


    1983 RR gone (wish I kept it)
    1996 TDI ES.
    2003 TD5 HSE
    1987 Isuzu County

  2. #2642
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    PRIMBEE, Wollongong NSW
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    MeanWhile At the Chemists'

    Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone”.
    Immediately the husband drove to confront the guy and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the pharmacist interjected, “Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it”.
    “This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realise that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
    Later, about three blocks from the pharmacy, I had a flat tyre. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started serving these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.
    Then I had to break a roll of twenty cent pieces against the cash register drawer to make change and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it… All of them hit the floor and broke.
    Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing non-stop and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer
    … And, honestly mate, all I did was tell her!”

  3. #2643
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    According to Tetley, the major tea supplier, the only way to make a good cup of tea is to agitate the bag.


    So, every morning, I slap her on the bum, and say "One sugar please"

  4. #2644
    Bob Harding Guest
    UPSETTING NEWS RECEIVED:

    On average, an Australian man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese will have sex only one or two times a year.

    This is upsetting news to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese!


  5. #2645
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    With Australia's heightened terror risk levels, I was surprised they let Tom Jones into the country. He's a sex bomb!

  6. #2646
    Homestar's Avatar
    Homestar is offline Super Moderator & CA manager Subscriber
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    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.
    Last edited by Homestar; 4th October 2014 at 05:55 AM.
    If you need to contact me please email homestarrunnerau@gmail.com - thanks - Gav.

  7. #2647
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    Paddy texts his wife...

    "Mary, I’m just having one more pint with the lads.
    If I’m not home in 20 minutes, read this message again.

  8. #2648
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    antipodean
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    I told my Psychiatrist that I am hearing voices.

    He told me that I don't have a Psychiatrist.

  9. #2649
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    Started the new vodka diet last week, it’s amazing!
    I’ve lost 3 days already!

  10. #2650
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    reality

    any way ,reality called last week ...I hung up .....

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