Thread: Jokes

A Yank arrived in Australia for a holiday. He had heard how good our pork was and wanted to try it. First morning he had bacon and eggs. He remarked how good it was. For lunch he had a pork roll and it was even better. For dinner that night he had a ham salad. He asked the waiter for a glass of water, and having tasted it and finding it refreshing he asked what sort of water it was. The waiter said it was bore water. With a strange look on his face he said "you don't waste much of the pig here"

This year's Brit Awards will always be remembered for its fabulous tribute to 'Allo 'Allo!, featuring the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies.

An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites.

She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more.

Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one."

The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, "Was I already here?"

Ive been working on a new invention -- well, an adaptation really.
I think Im getting close but Im unsure if there is a market for it... hopefully you guys can help me out there..

what Im trying to do, if I succeed will mean no lawnmowers are required anymore, no more untidy lawns, and no time spent on the weekend cutting lawns.

Im trying to cross a hardy evergreen self repairing lawn with an "emo" kid...

If I succeed I suspect the lawn will constantly cut itself! hope to hear your views!
Digger

Originally Posted by digger

Ive been working on a new invention -- well, an adaptation really.
I think Im getting close but Im unsure if there is a market for it... hopefully you guys can help me out there..

what Im trying to do, if I succeed will mean no lawnmowers are required anymore, no more untidy lawns, and no time spent on the weekend cutting lawns.

Im trying to cross a hardy evergreen self repairing lawn with an "emo" kid...

If I succeed I suspect the lawn will constantly cut itself! hope to hear your views!
Digger

Not funny.

Originally Posted by gusthedog

Not funny.

'Tis all said in jest Gus. What happened to people's sense of humour?

Originally Posted by gusthedog

Not funny.

Yes it is quite funny actually...

Attachment 91441

Attachment 91442

Bunch of self indulgent sooks that need a good serve of HTFU

Pardon my ignorance but what is an emo kid?