Jokes

**lewy** · 3rd April 2016, 04:44 PM

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a Gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. .. ....
(get ready)
'You just happened to catch my eye.'

**cuppabillytea** · 3rd April 2016, 05:02 PM

Elf walkes into a Bar.

Bar Tender says "Why........He's out cold!!"

**MEANZ06** · 3rd April 2016, 05:16 PM

I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.

Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges....

But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between us.

All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.

As we lay there making love, I thought .......

"Wow, these Taser guns are really worth the money!!"

**Homestar** · 3rd April 2016, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by MEANZ06

I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.

Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges....

But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between us.

All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.

As we lay there making love, I thought .......

"Wow, these Taser guns are really worth the money!!"

Hey, Meanz - you're back!

. Where have you been? Good to see you again.

**Blknight.aus** · 3rd April 2016, 05:58 PM

a termite walks into a bar, whips out his wallet as he grabs a seat on a stool and looks around, after a few minutes of non service he asks "is the bar-tender here?" A drunk otter looks up from the other end of the room and slurs "yup's pine"

**MEANZ06** · 3rd April 2016, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by Homestar

Hey, Meanz - you're back!

. Where have you been? Good to see you again.

Thank you Homestar! Social media has been on the "back burner" for me. But I'm still here...

**pop058** · 3rd April 2016, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by MEANZ06

I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore.

Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges....

But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice looking girl in a park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between us.

All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.

As we lay there making love, I thought .......

"Wow, these Taser guns are really worth the money!!"

Originally Posted by Homestar

Hey, Meanz - you're back!

. Where have you been? Good to see you again.

X 2. Had to check and it was back in 2014

still got the 06 ??

**spudfan** · 5th April 2016, 01:23 AM

The A.I. man called at the farm. The farmer's wife shouts over the hedge "The cow is in the shed and there's a nail on the back of the door for your trousers."

**Avion8** · 5th April 2016, 09:13 PM

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!

**ADMIRAL** · 6th April 2016, 10:48 PM

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday. The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 8,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!"

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!"

He began his series of questions:

Tower : "How do you know you are travelling at 8,000 feet?"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 8,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me."

Tower: "Okay, that's good, remain calm. How do you know you're travelling at 180 mph?"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."

Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"

Aircraft : "There's **** running out of my shirt collar."

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