Thread: Jokes

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?...








Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog

BROTHEL SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE !!

Mt. Vernon, Texas.

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an extension of their building to increase their ever-growing business.
In response, the local Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding - with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.

Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the brothel was burned by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the never-ending power of prayer."

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any, and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The crusty old judge, JP Reynolds, read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented:
"I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a
whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer - and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bull****"

Could apply to any Holden driver.

A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.'
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only $150?'
The man replied, 'a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'

Quite often we ask ourselves hard to answer questions.... like...
What is a bastard?

And we wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations, incomplete aphorisms,
and inconsistent sophisms that make one sure that the only true thing is that....
"a picture is worth a thousand words."
In this photo, the guy on the right is a member of a BOMB SQUAD... in the
middle of a deactivation.
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The guy behind him with a paper bag.... well.... he's a bastard.
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Verily verily i say unto thee Gavin, thou shalt burn in Purgatory for a long long time...

Originally Posted by superquag

Verily verily i say unto thee Gavin, thou shalt burn in Purgatory for a long long time...

Mayest I burn with him for his jest is infinite.