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Thread: Jokes

  1. 25th February 2018, 11:55 AM #4391
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    Eevo
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    The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said "I do... why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"


    The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water.


    The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better". Tonto said "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.


    A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'".
    Current Cars:
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  2. 26th February 2018, 05:11 PM #4392
    DiscoMick Guest
    How can it be that each year about 400,000 Americans are injured by their bedding or beds. Seriously - what do Americans do in or near their beds?
    Another 40,000 Americans are injured by their clothing. Underpants haematoma? Compound pyjama fracture? Or do they just strangle each other with their clothing?
    You will no doubt relieved to know that only one American was injured by a moose coming through his windscreen. No doubt the mooses (meese?) of America were also pleased.
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  3. 27th February 2018, 06:38 AM #4393
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    I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.
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  4. 27th February 2018, 07:21 AM #4394
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist View Post
    I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.
    Well you got that write....................He said sheepishly.
    Cheers, Billy.
    Keeping it simple is complicated.
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  5. 27th February 2018, 07:41 AM #4395
    tact
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    Quote Originally Posted by cuppabillytea View Post
    Well you got that write....................He said sheepishly.

    EWE!
    Neil
    (Really shouldn't be a...) Grumpy old fart!
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  6. 27th February 2018, 08:35 AM #4396
    Ancient Mariner
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist View Post
    I think we're in for a bad spell of wether.
    Weather your rite or wrong doesn't matter
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  7. 27th February 2018, 05:30 PM #4397
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    It's a write of passage...
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  8. 27th February 2018, 06:03 PM #4398
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    I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
    He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
    I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair".....
    Mark

    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

    2015 TDV6 D4.... the latest project... Llams, Traxide, Icom 455, Tuffant Kimberleys and Mofos.... so far.
    2012 SDV6 SE D4 with some stuff... gone...
    2003 D2a TD5...gone...
    2000 D2 V8...gone...
    https://bymark.photography

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  9. 27th February 2018, 09:38 PM #4399
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    SWMBO idea of a joke.

    I drove back from Mt Isa & got 2 bloody great stone chips in the windscreen from some clown with a boat trailer thinking a rough dirt road was a race track.

    I came out to go to work the next morning & SWMBO had put 2 potato chips on my windscreen wipers.

    We (Disco & I) were NOT amused.

    Jonesfam
    PS About time she got me back for some of the crap I give her.
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  10. 28th February 2018, 07:36 AM #4400
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    The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "things are great, and I've never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?"

    The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story.

    "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

    "As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he left his gun at home, and so, he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and yelled 'bang bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell dead."

    "Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

    The 86-year-old replied, "logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a few rounds into that beaver."

    The doctor replied, "my point exactly."
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