Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Shoogs

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT: Possibly the funniest story in a long
while;

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If you prefer an audio version... YouTube

Originally Posted by p38arover

Why do people use the grave accent ` instead of an apostrophe?
(There's an AULRO member who also uses it like that. It annoys me. )

Even worse, it uses a capital letter for every word.

I saw a post recently (I can't remember where) where the author capitalised every word and put a full stop (but no spaces) between every word.

Originally Posted by Shoogs

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT: Possibly the funniest story in a long
while;


This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the news letter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.


This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.


Dear S i r,


I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident, but as you asked for a fuller explanation, I trust the following details be sufficient.


I am a bricklayer by trade and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.
When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 300 kilograms.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.


You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 85kgs...


Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.


Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.


Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks (that barrel weighed approximately 50kgs) and I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.


Here my luck began to change slightly.

The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.


I am sorry to report, however, as I say there on the pile of bricks, in pain unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.


I hope this answers your inquiry.
Kevin Roben
Wagga Glass & Aluminium Pty Ltd
PO Box 5004 (11 Dobney Ave)
Wagga Wagga NSW 2550

I have a choral version of this on an Irish Rovers cassette.

Originally Posted by vnx205

Even worse, it uses a capital letter for every word.

As in German? all nouns are capitalised.

Originally Posted by p38arover

Why do people use the grave accent ` instead of an apostrophe?
(There's an AULRO member who also uses it like that. It annoys me. )

Excuse my ignorance, but what is a grave accent and what's it used for?

Originally Posted by p38arover

I saw a post recently (I can't remember where) where the author capitalised every word and put a full stop (but no spaces) between every word.

I would say the full stop between words with no gaps, is what happens to me when using a phone on screen keypad. The full stop key seems to get hit by my fingers rather than the space bar. Annoying. Constantly going back and fixing it. Fingers are too big I suppose.

Originally Posted by Gordie

I would say the full stop between words with no gaps, is what happens to me when using a phone on screen keypad. The full stop key seems to get hit by my fingers rather than the space bar. Annoying. Constantly going back and fixing it. Fingers are too big I suppose.

Need a dialing wand? 😇