Jokes

I got fired from my lawn maintenance job today.


I just wasn't cutting it.

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Originally Posted by Eevo

There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'


The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.


Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.


Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
Made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone.

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Crikeys, you're going back a few years there, with that. Perhaps the same time as 'Two Dogs'?

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Originally Posted by Saitch

Crikeys, you're going back a few years there, with that. Perhaps the same time as 'Two Dogs'?

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First thing I saw.

One of our Sales reps is called 2 Dogs. No one uses his real name and if you talk to someone and use his real name they say ‘Who?’

I've heard of of people with a double barrelled surname like Fothergill-Smythe being nicknamed "Two Dads".

There is a well known guy around here that goes by the surname of "X", as his real name is impossible for the local fraternity, and it starts with an x anyway.

At work there was a chap called "wheelbarrow" as one was required to carry his proper name - there was too much of it, and as you said it the sound was like a pile of rubble being poured into a 'barrow.

Another chap a few years earlier, had a given name-surname combination that when said quickly became an approximation of an under-water gas leak.

Can't remember the details but a few years ago there was a guy with a hyphenated surname that was widely recognised and sounded nice. Then he met a lass in a similar situation. But she was using that name professionally as well. They intended children. So the whole shebang was to be so-and-so xxxxx-yyyyy-aaaa-bbbbb.

I sang the rainbow song in front of the police this morning.


They arrested me for colourful language.

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Originally Posted by p38arover

Reminds me of this sign at the Leonay Golf Club:

Attachment 157138

And this one at the Red Cow pub in Penrith.

Attachment 157139

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God, I must have got old. I remember when Penrith was a country town and the farmers would come in on Saturday to go shopping, pick up their mail, and stand outside the Red Cow for a few schooners. You could stand in the middle of High St. (the Great Western Highway) and have a chat with someone you met.

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Originally Posted by rovers4

There is a well known guy around here that goes by the surname of "X", as his real name is impossible for the local fraternity, and it starts with an x anyway.

At work there was a chap called "wheelbarrow" as one was required to carry his proper name - there was too much of it, and as you said it the sound was like a pile of rubble being poured into a 'barrow.

Another chap a few years earlier, had a given name-surname combination that when said quickly became an approximation of an under-water gas leak.

Can't remember the details but a few years ago there was a guy with a hyphenated surname that was widely recognised and sounded nice. Then he met a lass in a similar situation. But she was using that name professionally as well. They intended children. So the whole shebang was to be so-and-so xxxxx-yyyyy-aaaa-bbbbb.

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One of my workmates in Thailand had a 23 letter surname which was unpronounceable, so we all just called her 'Bu'.

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Originally Posted by DiscoMick

One of my workmates in Thailand had a 23 letter surname which was unpronounceable, so we all just called her 'Bu'.

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So, if you were in discussion and mentioned her name to a person who didn't know her, would they have asked 'Bu who'?