Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by ramblingboy42

2 bananas were lying on a riverbank when a turd came floating by...

the turd looked over at the 2 bananas and said,"come on in the waters fine"...

1 banana turned to 2 banana and said, "really...can you believe that ****?"

Water was like that in the " old" days with the sewer outflows off Sydney beaches. Surfers still swam undeterred

Originally Posted by Hoges

Water was like that in the " old" days with the sewer outflows off Sydney beaches. Surfers still swam undeterred

They weren’t swimming.
They were going through the motions.

Originally Posted by Hoges

Water was like that in the " old" days with the sewer outflows off Sydney beaches. Surfers still swam underturd

Fixed it for you

Originally Posted by Hoges

Water was like that in the " old" days with the sewer outflows off Sydney beaches. Surfers still swam undeterred

I saw what you did there.

The police came to my house last night.


They asked me if I was familiar with the letters HB?


I said, "No I'm not". They said, "How about SA?".


I said, "No". They said, "What about XL? or AZ?".


I said, "Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?".


They said, "No, these are just initial enquiries".

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her adult class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' Pencil, however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'"
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"


Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each adult group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:


1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won

I went for a Chinese last night and got chatting to the waiter, he told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a kamikaze pilot code named ''Chow Mein''
I said, ''Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives ??''
To which he replied, ''Yes, but I was Chicken Chow Mein''

It's like being 17 again, fuel is cheap and I'm grounded.