Thread: Jokes

Putin and Medvedev go to a high class restaurant.


Putin says to the waiter "For the meat I want a rib-eye steak, medium rare. The potatos are to be baked with sour cream".


The waiter asks "what about the vegetable?"


Putin looks at Medvedev and back to the waiter and says, "He'll have the same"

A Russian man told me he said
"as a young boy growing up in Russia, we only had two channels on TV. First channel was about Russian propaganda. How great leader Joseph Stalin was. The Second channel was a KGB officer threatening you to change it back to the first channel.

for those of you not understanding, half of these are russian jokes and the other half, are russian jokes.

USA
Barbershop


The barber cuts the client's hair:
— What are your vacation plans, fella?, he asks
"I want to visit Moscow —" client replies.
- Moscow!.... This dirty, smelly city, where garbage is not cleaned and bandits and bears walk along the street! Are you mad?! Don't you dare!
— I'm going anyway. After all, my grandparents once lived there!
— What airlines do you fly on? - the barber asks.
- Aeroflot! - he answers.
- Oh my god, these are the most disgusting airlines. Planes stink of kerosene, it's terribly crowded and the food is disgusting. Also, you are guaranteed to be a couple of hours late.
— And yet I'm going!
— Well, okay, and in which hotel will you stay in Moscow?
- In "Russia"!
- What a nightmare! There are a lot of prostitutes, high prices, cockroaches and disgusting staff all around.
— I'm going, anyway!
— And what will you do in Moscow???
— I want to go to the Lenin Mausoleum!
— ??? There is a huuuge queue, lots of cops and metal detectors everywhere. It's disgusting!
- Nothing will stop me! - the client replies.


A couple of months after the trip, he comes back to the barber shop.


- Hi, buddy, - says the barber, - how was the trip? Did I tell you the truth about Moscow?
— You know, I really liked Moscow. They have a new mayor and he has put things in order there. Everything is clean, there is no crime and no bears!
— How was Aeroflot? Bad as I said?
- Not really. The plane was almost empty, so we were transferred to first class. The food was excellent and the flight attendant was a very nice and pretty girl.
—At least the hotel is trash, isn't it?!
- They recently made renovation and there was a week of discounts, so I lived in a luxury suite! And I haven't seen any cockroaches.
— But have you seen Lenin?
- Oh yeah, and it was unbelievable. I was standing in line, suddenly a man came up, took me aside and said that their scientists had just made a miracle and were able to revive Lenin and that he wanted to talk to someone from the crowd. And they chose me!
- God, I can't believe my ears! And what did Lenin tell you?..


- ...Well, just a few words: "comrrrade, who gave you this ****ed up hairrrcut???

Obama, Putin and Iohannis (president of Romania) go to God to ask him when their people will be happy.


Obama is the first to go and ask God:
"God, when my people will be be happy?"
God answers:
- In 10-15 years.
Obama starts crying:
"I'll be old in the meantime, and I won't be able to enjoy it with him."


Now it was Putin's turn.


He asks God when his people will be happy and God tells him that in half a century.


Putin also began to cry. God asks him why he is crying, to which he answers:
"In 50 years I will be dead and I will not be able to rejoice with my people."


Finally, Iohannis also asks:


"God, when will my people be happy?"


God starts crying and Iohannis asks him why he is crying.


God answers:
"Because then I won't be able to rejoice with your people either!"

Originally Posted by Eevo

Obama, Putin and Iohannis (president of Romania) go to God to ask him when their people will be happy.


Obama is the first to go and ask God:
"God, when my people will be be happy?"
God answers:
- In 10-15 years.
Obama starts crying:
"I'll be old in the meantime, and I won't be able to enjoy it with him."


Now it was Putin's turn.


He asks God when his people will be happy and God tells him that in half a century.


Putin also began to cry. God asks him why he is crying, to which he answers:
"In 50 years I will be dead and I will not be able to rejoice with my people."


Finally, Iohannis also asks:


"God, when will my people be happy?"


God starts crying and Iohannis asks him why he is crying.


God answers:
"Because then I won't be able to rejoice with your people either!"

Sounds like Eevo has found an old Eastern Bloc Joke book amongst the cockroaches & Prossies.


I bet Sash has the accompanying volume of bad photos that goes with it..

Wow! Some of those jokes are even older than I am.

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

Wow! Some of those jokes are even older than I am.

Handed down on tablets of stone, Laurie?