Thread: Jokes

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when
during her tour she passed a room where Scott was masturbating furiously.

'Oh my GOD!!' screamed the woman, 'That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing
that??'

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very sorry that
you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his
testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least 5
times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily
rupture.'

'Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok.' commented the woman.

In the very next room, Garth was lying in bed and it was obvious
that a nurse was performing oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, 'Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?'

Again the doctor spoke very calmly, 'Same illness, but private health
cover.'

I'm going to watch my wedding video in reverse again, I love it when she takes the ring off, walks down the aisle backwards, hops in the car and ****s off!

I was walking down the street this morning and I saw a guy leaning up against
a mobile mechanic's truck crying his eyes out. I thought to myself, that guy is heading for a breakdown!

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops
expense!!

Glasgow cop says, 'Licence and registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What for?'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming...'

Glasgow cop says, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and
registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law, licence and registration, please!'

London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the **** out of the lawyer and says 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?'

Sorry mate, didn't see it

Ezyrama,
Have a read of the last joke on the previous page.

Dave.

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:







Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna

Originally Posted by ezyrama

Sorry mate, didn't see it

No apology needed, it's no big deal. I did it myself once on another forum.

Tell me though, when I pointed it out you then apologized and your post is before mine. How does this happen?

Dave