Thread: Jokes

Darn, once again 'facts' ruining a good story...

(Used to work at the newspapers.....)

Besides... how come your brains are fully functional so early on Jan 1 ???

I always thought the lin about the knee surgery was a quick reply to a dumb question during an interview the question was ment to be "so have you had major surgery anywhere other than on your knee" but was asked as "so have you had major knee surgery any where else?"

The Navy Wine Taster:

At a wine merchant’s warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

Roy Cross a retired Chief Petty Officer, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass of wine to taste.

Jumper tried it and said, “It’s a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable.”

“That’s correct,” said the boss.

“Another glass, please.”

“It’s a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”

“Absolutely correct.

A third glass.”

‘‘It’s a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,’’ calmly said the drunk chief stoker.

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The old Navy Chief tried it.

“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get the job, I’ll name the father.”

Good medical advice from the
sages of old...


1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. Try f***ing in bed 'cause it can save you valuable energy.

6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level





SO, REMEMBER ..
Fasting is good for your health
and may God cleanse your dirty mind...

"Older Men Scam"

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Bunnings, Mitre 10, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.



Here's how the scam works; Two nice looking, teenage girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look.) When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.



You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.



I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also August 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th & 17th, 25th and 26th and very likely again this upcoming weekend.



So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.



Target has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $0.99 at the Reject Shop and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Target and K Mart.



So please, send this on to all the retired men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

"I'm off to Bunnings Dear, might be a while....."

just a quick thought after reading your letter,
16 times you have had your wallet stolen, that means 16 times you have allowed theses two girls to wash your screen with there big boobs hanging out all over the place, what more would you expect after 16 times.
might be best if you Keep a pile of empty wallet in the vehicle and Just sit back and enjoy the show for $2.99 its cheap viewing.

Originally Posted by zealand

just a quick thought after reading your letter,
16 times you have had your wallet stolen, that means 16 times you have allowed theses two girls to wash your screen with there big boobs hanging out all over the place, what more would you expect after 16 times.
might be best if you Keep a pile of empty wallet in the vehicle and Just sit back and enjoy the show for $2.99 its cheap viewing.

Why? that is only the introduction, the ride is more interesting