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Thread: Jokes

  1. #3141
    Join Date
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    Choking incident

    Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
    Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
    The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
    The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right-butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
    The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
    As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
    Michael T
    2011 L322 Range Rover 4.4 TDV8 Vogue
    Aussie '88 RR Tdi300 (+lpg), Auto (RIP ... now body removed after A pillar, chassis extension to 130 & fire tender tray.)

  2. #3142
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    Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.


    A blonde stopped and asked them what they were doing.


    Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this
    flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.'


    The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.
    She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.


    Then, she walked off.



    Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde!



    We need the height, and she gives us the bloody length.?

  3. #3143
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    Those Irishmen were engineers.
    Roger


  4. #3144
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    I was going to get a stairlift installed for my parents.

    But they said "NO, it would drive them up the wall"

  5. #3145
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist View Post
    I was going to get a stairlift installed for my parents.

    But they said "NO, it would drive them up the wall"
    Your parents
    If you don't like trucks, stop buying stuff.
    http://www.aulro.com/afvb/signaturepics/sigpic20865_1.gif

  6. #3146
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    Quote Originally Posted by V8Ian View Post


    Your parents
    Poetic license

  7. #3147
    p38arover's Avatar
    p38arover is offline Major part of the heart and soul of AULRO.com
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist View Post
    I was going to get a stairlift installed for my parents.

    But they said "NO, it would drive them up the wall"
    Stairway to Heaven?

    [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9TGj2jrJk8[/ame]
    Ron B.
    VK2OTC

    2003 L322 Range Rover Vogue 4.4 V8 Auto
    2007 Yamaha XJR1300
    Previous: 1983, 1986 RRC; 1995, 1996 P38A; 1995 Disco1; 1984 V8 County 110; Series IIA



    RIP Bucko - Riding on Forever

  8. #3148
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    Why Men Have Better Friends

    Friendship between Women:

    A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called
    his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

    Friendship between Men:

    A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her
    husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there.
    ______________

  9. #3149
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    IN RESPONSE TO ALL RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG: PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM.

    YES, HE BIT TWO PEOPLE WEARING BURKAS:

    TEN PEOPLE WEARING TURBANS,

    TWENTY PEOPLE WEARING JEREMY CORBYN T-SHIRTS,

    TWO CAR DRIVERS WITH RAP MUSIC BLARING FROM THEIR VEHICLES,

    FOUR JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES,

    TWO MORMONS, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR ASS CRACKS,

    THREE MUSLIMS AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.

    FOR THE LAST TIME. . .THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!

  10. #3150
    DiscoMick Guest
    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    A: Its a free-range chicken so it goes anywhere it damm well wants!

    Sent from my SM-G900I using AULRO mobile app

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