Thread: Jokes

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL



The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well.

We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

I'd have alzheimers too if you took a biopsy of my brain...

Cheers

Dan

A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him that's the last thing I need.

Attachments OK?

How do you solve 90% of the ice epidemic?

Make it Halal certified...

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result..

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, ?Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.?

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, ?Honey, did we pay the car bill this month??

?No, sweetheart? she responds.

Sill shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, ?Did we pay our credit card bill yet??

?Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check,? she says.

?One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?? he asks.

?Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,? begged the wife. ?I didn't send that one, either.?

The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him, ?So, why did you hug me??

The husband answers, ?They'll find us!?

I went fishing one morning, but after a short time I ran out of bait prawns.

Then I saw a red belly black snake with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good barramundi bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the problem was how to release the snake without getting bitten.
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.