Thread: Jokes

A former Sergeant having served his time with the Marine Corps took a new job as a school teacher. Just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest, twice.

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

Originally Posted by RANDLOVER

Now that we have a new Prime Minister, can we finally invade New Zealand?

Belay that. If we win we would have to support all the buggers not just the million or so on the dole here.

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.



I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change

ok I copied after I ****ed myself

"I've created an app to help with insomnia, called Slumbr, which lets you talk to other really boring people until you fall asleep. It's online sedating."

The 40 best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe 2018 - Edinburgh Evening News

Pffffft. I talk to myself and fall asleep before I Finnish the first sentence.

I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor. Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5.. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? * Wet Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has one hand. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? * Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

*No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

I went into a shop for some insect spray.
I asked the shopkeeper, 'Is this good for flies?'

'Not really,' he said, 'it kills them'

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

Pffffft. I talk to myself and fall asleep before I Finnish the first sentence.

Pffffft. Puhun itselleni ja nukahan ennen kuin päädyt ensimmäiseen........