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Thread: Jokes

  1. 14th April 2023, 08:25 AM #8491
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    A 54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

    While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked Is my time up?"
    God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.
    "Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
    She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
    After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
    God replied: "Sorry, but I didn't recognize you”.
    Dave.

    I was asked " Is it ignorance or apathy?" I replied "I don't know and I don't care."


    1983 RR gone (wish I kept it)
    1996 TDI ES.
    2003 TD5 HSE
    1987 Isuzu County
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  2. 15th April 2023, 05:32 AM #8492
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    Drug testing on the road.....

    https://twitter.com/HumansNoContext/...66850788511751
    დიდება უკრაინას
    Рашка парашка
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  3. 20th April 2023, 06:41 PM #8493
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    Quote Originally Posted by NavyDiver View Post
    Any more oxymorons?

    * Only choice
    * Civil war
    * Definite possibility
    * Grow smaller
    * Random order
    * Old news
    * True fiction
    * Virtual reality
    * Working vacation
    * Exact estimate
    * Original copies
    * Pretty ugly
    * Fully empty


    Lots more of course

    Luxury Caravan
    2005 D3 TDV6 Present
    1999 D2 TD5 Gone
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  4. 21st April 2023, 12:08 PM #8494
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    Quote Originally Posted by RANDLOVER View Post
    Luxury Caravan
    Negative Growth
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  5. 24th April 2023, 05:49 AM #8495
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    What do you call hares that are standing in a line and slowly moving backwards?.
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    .A receding hare line!
    Jim VK2MAD
    -------------------------
    '17 Isuzu D-Max
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  6. 28th April 2023, 08:15 AM #8496
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    The police just pulled me over and said, "Papers?"
    I replied with "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
    I think he wants a rematch - he's been chasing me for 45 minutes!
    Roger
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  7. 28th April 2023, 08:17 AM #8497
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    She said she missed me.



    Normally that would be good, ............. but she's reloading!
    Roger
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  8. 28th April 2023, 03:19 PM #8498
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    I got caught smuggling a football through customs.


    It was worth a try.
    'sit bonum tempora volvunt'

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  9. 28th April 2023, 04:55 PM #8499
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    What's green and isn't heavy?
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    Light green.
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  10. 28th April 2023, 04:56 PM #8500
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    I've started to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
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    It's all about raisin awareness
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