Thread: Jokes

With thanks to Westprints Friday Five .........

A policemanwas rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctorsoperated and advised him that all was well, however, the policeman kept feelingsomething pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried thatit might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, hefinally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could lookat what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmlyacross his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesivetape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on thetape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon, from thenurse in the Ford Focus you gave a speeding ticket to last week."

Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandkids. Dolly said “Each year I send each of my grandkids a card with a generous cheque inside. I never get a thank you message from any of them”.

Ruby replies “I send my grandkids a generous cheque too. I hear from them within a week. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit”.

“Wow! How come?” remarked Dolly.

“Simple, I don’t sign the cheque!”

Not really a joke, ..well I suppose it is, anyhow , many years ago a close friend who was a nurse asked me if I remembered Mr. So and So who had been our dentist, and was now in hospital.

I replied” That old bendsted, he was a bleeding butcher !” Yes that is him she said and let me say , other nurses recognised him too.

”So what happened?”

Lets just say what goes around ,comes around!

” Oh, cold water sponge bath?”

Bath? nah, that would be childish, we are very experienced nurses...... how does multiple enemas sound to you?

Following the problems in the financial sector in the US, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.


My edit

Barkley's is broke, Westpac is in a suitcase, Nab- went to sleep. CBA is apparently a dyslexic spelling backward error and ANZ is front Middle and end of the alphabet confusion CBA started

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look a this Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? "Come on ova' here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten.

So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me isdoing basically da same work?"Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic."Try doing it with the engine running."

Morris had a similar conversation with the head of gynecology, who replied "Try doing it via the exhaust pipe. ".

Originally Posted by V8Ian

Morris had a similar conversation with the head of gynecology, who replied "Try doing it via the exhaust pipe. ".

I'm sure he meant inlet, Ian.

The Mrs had hung some washing on the clothes line, including some of her underwear. All I said was "Who owns the parachute?"