Thread: Jokes

My boss arrived to work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said "Wow! That's an amazing car!"

He replied "If you work hard, put all your hours in and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year"

A knock came to the door. When I opened the door I saw a man standing beside a woman seated on a donkey.
"Hello" said the man "Sorry to disturb you. My name is Joseph. This is my wife, Mary, who as you can see is pregnant. We need somewhere to stay. Any chance you could put us up for the night? "
"No bother" I said "Come on in."
Well they came in. When Joseph saw the house he said "Do you know if there is an AIR B and B stable nearby?"

As funny today as it ever was....ask those trying to get Pumas with the dodgy welds attended to.

Originally Posted by spudfan

A knock came to the door. When I opened the door I saw a man standing beside a woman seated on a donkey.
"Hello" said the man "Sorry to disturb you. My name is Joseph. This is my wife, Mary, who as you can see is pregnant. We need somewhere to stay. Any chance you could put us up for the night? "
"No bother" I said "Come on in."
Well they came in. When Joseph saw the house he said "Do you know if there is an AIR B and B stable nearby?"

Thanks Spud but not sure how one takes that .(a)

Your house was a dump so he didn't want to stay & the Air b&b was better & thought that's noice.

( b) It is so noice that he wanted to stay much longer & find lodgings for his ass.


Maybe it is me? PS I don't normally need to question your Jokes but this one tricked me. Apologies.

Originally Posted by 4bee

Thanks Spud but not sure how one takes that .(a)

Your house was a dump so he didn't want to stay & the Air b&b was better & thought that's noice.

( b) It is so noice that he wanted to stay much longer & find lodgings for his ass.


Maybe it is me? PS I don't normally need to investigate your Jokes but this one tricked me. Apologies.

It's only my experience and I don't have any rich Irish rellos but Irish homes can be a bit pokey. One rello's house even has a rammed earth floor. On the other hand B&Bs can be quite luxurious.

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

It's only my experience and I don't have any rich Irish rellos but Irish homes can be a bit pokey. One rello's house even has a rammed earth floor. On the other hand B&Bs can be quite luxurious.

I guess one had to be there?

According to ...........

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road, or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Nicolaus Copernicus: The chicken was moving at a slightly different orbital speed around the sun.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

Dr Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on that side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road.

Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?"

Dr Suess: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

was not a joke to me but thought my d4 had faulty locks, I'd lock it then try the doors and they were not locked, never knew abt the smart key

Wee poem for you, by me
There was an old lady 92 to do let a faart and off it flu over the hills and over the plains into a butcher's window pane
The butcher got a rusty gun and shot that faart and off it run over the hills and over the plain
That faart went rolling down the street and knocked a copper off his feet
The copper went to tell the king the king came out and the faartt went in
There he took a slug of gin and took the king's Ferrari for a spin
Over the hills and over the plains till he found that ladies dress again