Thread: Jokes

The Scotsman and the Dentist
A Scotsman asks a dentist the cost of a tooth extraction.
'$85 for an extraction, sir', was the dentist's reply.
'$85! Can ye no do it cheaper, lad?'
'That's the normal charge,' said the dentist.
'Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?'
'That's unusual sir, but I could do it and knock off $20'.
'Whit if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still withoot anesthetic?'
'I can't guarantee their professionalism, and it would be very painful. But the price could drop to $40.'
'How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, hae yer student do the extraction wi' the ither students watchin' and learnin'?'
'It'll be good for the students,' mulled the dentist.
'I'll pay you $10. But it could be very traumatic.'
'Ach, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal! Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?'

G'day all,
Have a look at this wiki entry for our preferred marque
Land Rover - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The internet is filled with truth and only truth!
Cheers,
Mark

Originally Posted by longing4alandy

G'day all,
Have a look at this wiki entry for our preferred marque
Land Rover - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The internet is filled with truth and only truth!
Cheers,
Mark

There's also this: Toyota - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in
good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me
about?'
'In fact, I do.' said the old man. I’m 69 and after I have sex, I am usually hot and sweaty.' and then, after I have sex with her the second time,I'm usually cold and chilly;
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears
to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to
discuss with me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then
said to her:
'Your husband had an unusual concern.
He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you
the first time; and then cold and chilly after the second time.
Do you know why?'
'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied. 'That's because the first time is
usually in January, and the second time is in July!

The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate.


If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to Korea.


If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs, if we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan,


If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Peru. Thailand and Guatemala,


if we purchase a good car it will go to Japan,


If we purchase useless crap it will go to China and none of it will help the Australian economy.


The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in Australia.




Thank you for your help.


Kevin & Wayne

Dear Abby,

I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who often acts like he is a child.

In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how
wonderful I am, but in private, he shakes his finger in my face and calls me the "B" word.

He constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I've tried everything, including a face-lift, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a diet and lost 20 pounds.

He quit his job about eight years ago after having an affair with a woman in his office.

Since then, he hasn't even looked for another job. We haven't slept together since I confronted him about the affair.

He denied it, of course, but everybody knew about it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.

While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put it on the market.

The house we both want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put our current house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff. Do you think he is planning to leave me?
Signed,
Worried in NY
---------------


Dear Worried in NY:
I doubt it. He wants to move back into the White House as much as you do.

Originally Posted by dm_td5

There's also this: Toyota - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

and this is just for Ace.....

V8 Supercar - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

yep,, thats my take on V8dupercars!