Thread: Jokes

poor tiger,he even has his own game now

[ame="http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html"]Tiger Woods Wife Outrun[/ame]

The biggest joke of the year
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Kevin Rudd

Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year.


A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

Originally Posted by hiline

Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year.


A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

3yo girl talking to her mother.

'What's that thing between (older brother) Jack's legs?'

'That's his wot not.'

'Will I get one when I get a bit older?'

'If you're a good girl you'll get one, if you're a bad girl you'll get plenty.'

cheers, DL

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?'
St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota,
I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker
and smacked him in the face .. Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring,
and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s**t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'








Couple of minutes ago......

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."


Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."


Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother andI are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.





“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.“We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you callyour sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hellthey're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOTgetting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling mybrother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing,DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They'recoming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

I just bought a DVD of "Tiger woods, My favorite 18 holes"....

sat down and watched it... what a rip off!!!
Its all about golf!



digger



thought about tranferring all my bits over here from this below thread but decided easier to put a link!

http://www.aulro.com/afvb/remlr-gene...ve-learnt.html