Thread: Embarrassment

Originally Posted by bblaze

Stay safe, Hope all ends up working out for you and Karen, be positive and if your head gets really bad seek some help.
cheers
blaze
ps
your journey this far has been amazing and inspiring and I am sure through your story others have been helped

I seriousely doubt that i have inspired anyone ..Unfortunately i have to live like this & it kills me to see what i have done to this family & to Karen the one person who realy matters . . . . . . . .


Karen is asleep on the lounge & i have nothing to do now that i have done everything done the house work just need to mow the lawn tomorrow to keep me busy..
I need to learn to not be so jelouse or posesive of Karen . Just cause she does something for herself doesn't meen she wont love me & i should of already known this as she always came home to me & i wont loose her because she is doing stuff for herself...& i do know that just because someone flirts with her doesn't meen she will want them over me..
This only happend because i ran Karen to the ground physicly , emotionaly & mentaly. . . . . & the kids have had a small part in it aswell , I told Micayla about it all & now she understands & i think it has hit her big time cause i explained what part they had in it with not helping out at all & just expecting mum to do everything....

Doing tea now...

Well i'm very frightend now Karen has said she is worried about running into him tomorrow & said she could end up trying to fight the erge to go there again . . .. . . .

I think the worst part of this for me is Karen has never ever made me panic ...But i'm starting to have panic attacks in the fright of it all ..

I am geting numb in the chest heart is in my throat & so far i have been able to stop the shack's & erge to lock myself in the bathroom but its getting hard to do it......

You know it is fear mate.

However love overcomes fear and you need to keep on loving Karen. Remember she is not well at the moment and so needs you to stay calm and be there when she needs you.

I keep going out side for a smoke when i start to see some shakes . . . .



& to top it off Micayla has started smoking,, Now she is 16 & i am not to worried as i am a smoker & i started alot earlier than she has . . .
But Karen hates the idea of it . but i think it will pass with Micayla just a fad going through stage . . . . . . .

Originally Posted by Stuuu

You know it is fear mate.

However love overcomes fear and you need to keep on loving Karen. Remember she is not well at the moment and so needs you to stay calm and be there when she needs you.

I'm trying ..Makes it very hard to hear Karen say that she doubts anything will come back for me she tells me she doesn't have feelings for me or that she doesn't love me anymore ..& she has read everything use have all posted about if i show her love & make the efort & she just tells me that after the big effort i have been doing & am doing there is still know feeling at all for me even after 23 years.....

glad someone spoke to me i was starting to think i was talking to myself.....