Thread: JOKES (Part 3)

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina?'?

"As far as I'm concerned", the drunk replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the Rules from the male side. These are our rules:- Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!!



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.



1.You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.


Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as

many women as you can - to give them an education!!