Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Brian Hjelm

Well, in New Zealand (East Tasmania?) it is compulsory.

Hmm I actually saw it in Australia not here?????

Originally Posted by Brian Hjelm

Well, in New Zealand (East Tasmania?) it is compulsory.

Do not worry I understand Australian law does not prohibit this in the privacy of your owb home yet???????

dating guide thumbnail not so good so here is link:

http://www.themorningnews.org/images/TMN-CanWeDate.png

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IqEMPYS9XM"]YouTube- Dean Martin vs Foster Brooks[/nomedia]

Aaahhhh well .............. suppose I had to.

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi:
"G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Yeah, doin' all right."
Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food
and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and
keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Kiwi: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Kiwi: (in a panic) " Don't believe a word he says, that sheep's a bloody liar.."

Originally Posted by sashadidi

Do not worry I understand Australian law does not prohibit this in the privacy of your owb home yet???????

HA i thought that was a joke. apparantly bestiality is not illegal in ACT and other parts of australia. no wonder the aussies keep on going on about it.

Originally Posted by Brian Hjelm

Well, in New Zealand (East Tasmania?) it is compulsory.

They were having trouble with the new female gorilla at the Sydney Zoo. She was ripping up all her enclosure and getting aggressive towards the keepers.

The zoo's vet examined her and found that she was on heat and suggested that they have her mated.

The zoo administration made some enquiries and found that the closest male gorilla was in Perth and it would cost $50,000 to have him bought across to Sydney.

The gorilla's chief handler suggested "Why don't we get that big KIWI bloke who cleans the crap out of the cages to give her one. He would do it for $400 I reckon"

The zoo admin said "It's worth a shot". So they asked him to come into the office and they put the proposition to him.

"We want you to have sex with the female gorilla for $400 whadayareckon"?

The KIWI says "You whell have tu let me thunk about ut . I whell guv you an unswer in the mornung"

The next day he comes in and says "I heve thought it over and whell I am prepared to do ut under three condutions.

1. I am not gunna kuss her.

2. You can't tull unyone

and 3. Cun you give me tull Monday to cume up with the $400"?

1) Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney?
They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.

2) What's an Australians idea of foreplay?
You awake?

3) What's a Tasmanians idea of foreplay?
You awake, mum?
4) What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.
5) Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? Because they have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened!
6) What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? An Australian man will actually search for a golf ball.