Thread: Jokes

>> Subject: Fw: Spiders and Catholic girls
>>
>>
>>> : FW: Spiders and Catholic girls
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl
>>> >>>>>was.
>>> >>>>>Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders
>> of
>>> >>>>>nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and
>> stared
>>> >>>>>at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had
>> captured
>>> >>>>>her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>"They're mating," her father replied.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent
>>> >>>>>question
>>> >>>>>he replied, "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs"
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>The little girl, looking a touch puzzled, thought for a moment,
>>> >>>>>then
>>> >>>>>took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of
>>> >>>>>that poofter **** in our garden!"
>>> >>>>>

THIS ONE SOUNDS GOOD. WORTH A READ!!



> >Subject: Fw: Living Life backwards
> >> >
> >Living Life Backwards
> >I want to live my next life backwards:
> >You start out dead and get that out of the way.
> >Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
> >Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
> >Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
> >Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
> >You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
> >You get ready for college: drink alcohol, party, and you're pretty much a
> >free spirit.
> >Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no
> >responsibilities.
> >Then you become a baby, and then...
> >You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
> >conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and
> >then...
> >You finish off as an orgasm.
> >
> >I rest my case.

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park! . You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years .... maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Driving Test:You are driving in a car at a constant speed.On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star (like your highlighting it).* Get your drunk **** off the merry-go-round. *

DeeJay that was a funny one !

Originally Posted by VladTepes

DeeJay that was a funny one !

Well if u can post so it works everyone can get a laugh

Yes well it does epend on what theme / background color people have theirs set to.

Never mind - its still funny !

I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take ashower. I realized that I couldn't find the rake. I yelled up to my wife,"Where is the rake?"She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion.Then my wife wasn't sure and said "What?"I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"My wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first points toher eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to herbackside, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell I couldeven come close to that one.Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"She replies,Scroll on - it is worth it, I promise!




































"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !!!! -