Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by bob10

Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Syria



They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement......it was a mortar attack.

What about the lime?

LOL this is a funny thread!

Originally Posted by d2dave

What about the lime?

They threw an Englishman into the sand. [Americans will get it]

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 189.

BOB TELLS A GOOD JOKE

You will have to type this in to access.

Bob Hawke jokes at America's Cup lunch


They don't make Prime Minister's like this anymore.

As our thoughts lift above the mundane...and into the Heavenly places...


An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals!
he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the
river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look.
He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path..

He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer!

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to
pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him,
reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him

. At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped...

The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light
shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years
teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count
you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light,

It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a
Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

Very Well,' said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest
resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together
bowed his head and spoke: 'For what I am about to receive,
may the Lord make me truly thankful,
Amen.'

Originally Posted by ADMIRAL

BOB TELLS A GOOD JOKE

You will have to type this in to access.

Bob Hawke jokes at America's Cup lunch


They don't make Prime Minister's like this anymore.

Bahahaha that was hilarious

Cheers

Dan

Originally Posted by ADMIRAL

BOB TELLS A GOOD JOKE

You will have to type this in to access.

Bob Hawke jokes at America's Cup lunch


They don't make Prime Minister's like this anymore.

Brilliant. Your're right, we won't see another quite like him.