Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by p38arover

What he said!

Just be carefull there Ron,,

There are quite a few Pedro's around now,,,

Quote:
Originally Posted by p38arover
What he said!

Just be carefull there Ron,,

There are quite a few Pedro's around now,,,

I noticed that....are you being cloned mate....god forbid ,

Regards

Stevo

There are lifesize copys of David all over the world too---

AN ENGINEER’S THOUGHT FOR CHRISTMAS

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run at 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.



Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas.

Originally Posted by Pedro_The_Swift

There are lifesize copys of David all over the world too---

So that's how his post count got so high.

Simon

You Might be a Redneck Jedi if . . .


You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
Although you had to kill him, you think Jabba the Hutt had a good handle on how to treat women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

Got this in the e-mail today. Hope not too many have seen this before, I hadn't.

Always good to poke fun at engineers

That is HILARIOUS. Maybe I should post it on the engineering faculty noticeboard.



[nationalist mode on] It's a Christmas tree, not a holiday tree, if that offends you, you'll find the airport at 37°40'11.34"S 144°50'56.19"E, happy christmas.[/off]