Thread: Jokes

I made my friend a model of Mount Everest for his birthday. He asked me 'Is it to scale?', I said 'No, it's just to look at.'

On his first day at the Nudist Colony Sid takes off his clothes, and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and Sid immediately gets an excited.
The woman notices his signal, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'
Sid replies, 'No, what do you mean?' She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain.
It's a rule here that if you get excited, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Sid continues to explore the nudist colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts....
Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man?
'No, what do you mean?' says Sid. 'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man spins him around and has his way with him.
Then Sid staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.
'May I help you?' she says. Sid yells, 'Here's my membership card, You can have the key back and you can keep the $400 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.
Sid replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 75 years old, I only get excited once a month, but I fart 35 times a day!!'

That is a good one. I bet the poor bastard didn't half get himself into pickles.

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Bill and Melinda Gates have reportedly finalized their asset division following the decision to divorce. Melinda will get the house, but Bill keeps the Windows.

Originally Posted by NavyDiver

Bill and Melinda Gates have reportedly finalized their asset division following the decision to divorce. Melinda will get the house, but Bill keeps the Windows.

It wouldn't have taken Bill's Divorce Lawyer long to see through that.

The whole process will be a PANE

Originally Posted by jx2mad

The whole process will be a PANE

Exactly. A real pane in the glass.