Thread: Jokes

who said kevin rudd was important? impotent or incompetent mabye

Just nothing going right....

The little guy was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a big trouble making bikie steps up him, grabs his drink and skulls it down in one swig.

"Well whatcha gonna do about it?" bellows the bikie menacingly and the little guy just burst into tears.

"Awww c'mon man, I didn't think you'd CRY" said the bikie, "I can't stand to see a grown man cry".

"This is the worst day of my life" says the little guy.
"I'm a complete failure, This morning I was 10 minutes late for a meeting and my boss sacked me, when I went to the carpark I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance, I left my wallet in the cab I took home and when I got home I found my wife in bed with the milkman then my dog bit me".

"So I came into this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in the drink and while I'm waiting for the poison to dissolve some dirty great smartarse steals the drink and gulps down the whole lot!".

Originally Posted by Blknight.aus

who said kevin rudd was important? impotent or incompetent mabye

"important"...note the brackets

you mean quotatoin marks but all of the others were of historically significant value....

Originally Posted by Blknight.aus

you mean quotatoin marks but all of the others were of historically significant value....

Yes, I should have said "quotation" marks....my apologies.
I'm glad he's gone too, but it was a only a joke, not a political statement...sheeesh

Originally Posted by midal

Not my work, emailed to me...

Who would want to be "important"?

Socrates was poisoned
Julius Caesar was stabbed to death
Napoleon died in exile
Abraham Linclon was shot
Ghandi was shot
Kevin Rudd was Gillardteened.....

and Malcolm Turnbull was Abotted

On a visit to the asylum, I was shown how the patients are assessed. They show the patient a bath that has been filled with water. Alongside the bath is a bucket, a jug and a cup. The patient is told to empty the bath. So I said to the Dr, does that mean the sane patients use the bucket and the not so sane ones use the cup. He no, the sane ones pull the plug out. Now, will you be wanting a bed by the window?

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure aint." said the man.

"Don't you realise I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep" was the calm reply. "And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope," said the old man.



More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"


The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years..."