Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Saulman1010

Hhahahhahha.
I wasn't game to ask, I didn't get it.
That's made my day.
MJS

Tenmil has updated his profile to make it easier to find him.....

Originally Posted by DiscoDB

Tenmil has updated his profile to make it easier to find him.....

I knew there had to be more than one 10 mil socket out there
I’ve lost a few over the years☹️
I reckon there are a heap of 13 mil spanners out there somewhere as well

Oldies but goodies.

Understanding Engineers – One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, - "Where did you get such a great bike ?"
The second engineer replied, - "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business,* when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, - "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway".

Understanding Engineers – Two
* To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half-empty.
* To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers – Three
* A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
* The engineer fumed, - "What's with those guys ?* We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!
The doctor chimed in, - "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf !
The priest said, - "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him".
He said, - "Hello, George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us ?
They're rather slow, aren't they ?"
The green-keeper replied, - "Oh, yes !!* That's a group of blind
firemen. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free anytime".
The group fell silent for a moment.
Then the priest said, - "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight".
The doctor said, - "Good idea.* I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if
there's anything he can do for them".
The engineer said, - "Why can't they play at night ?"

Understanding Engineers – Four
* What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers ?
- Mechanical engineers build weapons.
- Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Five
* The graduate with a science degree asks, - "Why does it work ?"
* The graduate with an engineering degree asks, - "How does it work ?"
* The graduate with an accounting degree asks, - "How much will it cost ?"
* The graduate with an arts degree asks, - "Do you want fries with that ?"

Understanding Engineers – Six
* Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body.
One said, - "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints".
Another said, - "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands
of electrical connections".
The last one said, - "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"

Understanding Engineers – Seven
* Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
* Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers – Eight
* An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
* said, - "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
* He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
* The frog spoke up again and said, - "If you kiss me, I'll turn back
into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week".
* The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, - "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for
one week and do anything you want !!".
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, - "What is the matter ?!?* I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess and that
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.* Why won't
you kiss me ?"
The engineer said, - "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking
frog.... now that's cool !!"*

unsinkable.jpg

638df09.jpg

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les' wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les' wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $200.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 PM. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les' house at 2 PM. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $200 - they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Les came home from golf at 6 PM. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue answered Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $200?'
Sue, using her best poker face, replied, Well, yes, in fact he did give me $200.
Les, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $200 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Originally Posted by donh54

OCTU graduate:
"Six weeks ago, I couldn't even spell Ociffer. Now I are one!"

lol wish the training sergent /caporal was as easy to convince as this one was..I reckon I was the guy with the piano excuse...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nLJ8ILIE780