Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by bob10

When we went to England a mate & I hired a car and drove around Devon & Cornwall, went into a pub where they sold " scrumpy ". The old pub had what could only be called a urinal right at the bar. Publican said that in the old days, blokes who drank this " scrumpy " for years, used to lose control of their bladder.
So they just relieved themselves at the bar. Didn't confirm the story with any one else, but did have a pint of" scrumpy" each. Then had to sleep it off in the car, " scrumpy " being apple cider, rough as , very high alcohol.

So my story could be true then?


A lot of Cousin Jacks did settle in this area, in fact the previous Owner of this gaff's wife was of Cornish heritage.


A bit of a sad story that. Her Husband & she went to the UK on a long planned trip as you do. She felt very very strongly about the place & supposedly died on the train. Apparently suffered bad depression here & would sit at the kitchen window & stare into space for hours on end.
Details are a bit sketchy but the son also Bill, got a preference Air ticket through the Premier of the time Tom Playford also a local resident here to the UK on QANTAS. Remember in early days, tickets were very scarce & only Politicians & Businessmen flew.

He went & brought his Dad back on board a ship.



Two possible things emerged, A. She was suffering from post Natal Depression after having borne 7 children. They've all gone now.

B. She may have jumped off the train in Cornwall & suicided rather than return to Australia & the loneliness of the Market Gardens & the bleak weather in Winter..

If anyone knows, they ain't sayin & why should they, it is Private..


She was interred in Cornwall.

My wife says that I'm hopeless at fixing household appliances.
Well she's in for a shock.

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor.
After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,

"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

"Does she still have the hickups?"

I have a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

I finally told my suitcases that there will be no holiday this year.

Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage .......

Originally Posted by Xtreme

I have a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

OI, I heard that, nothing wrong with 4 Bs either. Well maybe, in the grand scheme of things. So long as it isn't a 4B he can chew my brudders all he liked.

Originally Posted by V8Ian

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor.
After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,

"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

"Does she still have the hickups?"

I can understand how that would do the trick.

is it too late to make any more suez canal jokes? or has that ship has sailed?