Thread: Jokes

On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had
an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation
of the groom's left foot. Unable to control her grief,
the bride called her mother from the hospital.

"Mother", she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot."

The mother, trying to console her daughter said,
"That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.

"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, Have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus." By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again---but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,"Are you sure this is where he fell in?

How do you know if you're a pirate?

























you just RRRR

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you....but the girl said NO.

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened......

She said "The b@stard used coins"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

At the production plant of an Asian 4x4-manufacturer an unlucky cat happened to get trapped in one of the vehicles on assembly lane. Unfortunately for the cat it was the last shift before a long weekend and when the workers went home the cat was left on its own inside the car. When the workers returned on Monday morning they found poor little pussy dead …suffocated.
The marketing department promptly took this event as a proof how absolutely tight the vehicles were and wanted to use it in the promotion of the vehicle.

When these news reached our friends in Solihull they immediately agreed to run a similar kind of test to proof the renowned British product lives up to similar standards. They took a cat and put it inside a Landrover on assembly line one late shift on Friday night before the last of the workforce turned off the lights and all went down to the boozer. When they returned on Monday morning…


THE CAT WAS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Gday BB

Originally Posted by Jojo

At the production plant of an Asian 4x4-manufacturer an unlucky cat happened to get trapped in one of the vehicles on assembly lane. Unfortunately for the cat it was the last shift before a long weekend and when the workers went home the cat was left on its own inside the car. When the workers returned on Monday morning they found poor little pussy dead …suffocated.
The marketing department promptly took this event as a proof how absolutely tight the vehicles were and wanted to use it in the promotion of the vehicle.

When these news reached our friends in Solihull they immediately agreed to run a similar kind of test to proof the renowned British product lives up to similar standards. They took a cat and put it inside a Landrover on assembly line one late shift on Friday night before the last of the workforce turned off the lights and all went down to the boozer. When they returned on Monday morning…


THE CAT WAS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!

That must be close to the MOST POSTED joke on AULRO I'd reckon.

Thats the first time I ever saw it