Thread: Jokes

YOU KNOW WHO!!! Kevin Rudd (or Kevin Crudd as he is now known by certain citizens' groups), was looking for a call girl.



He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.



To the blonde he said, ‘I am the Prime Minister of Australia. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

She replied, $200.'

To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was $100.














He then asked the redhead. Her reply was, 'Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of petrol, keep me warmer than it is in my flat and screw me the way you have pensioners, then it isn't going to cost you a bloody cent!’

Question: What is the legal speed limit of sex..??
Answer: 68
Why?: Because at 69, you'll have to turn around...

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her, caress her,
love her, stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked.
Bring pizza and beer

Originally Posted by longing4alandy

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked.
Bring pizza and beer

Being able to reverse park a Defender helps too.

What respect we have for our illustrious leaders!!!
While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Queensland farmer, who got cut on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Kevin 07 and his appointment to Prime Minister of Australia.

"Well, ya know," drawled the old farmer, "this Rudd fella is what they call a fencepost turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.

The old farmer said, "when you're driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's called a fencepost turtle."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of dill put him up there in the first place!''

oh bugger how do i get my money out now

How Not To Use The Drive Through ATMVideo

Is that a drive-through ATM? Only in America!

Not only in America Ron!

Bendigo Bank have had a drive through ATM in Geelong for several years now and I can recall using a drive through Westpac Bank in St Kilda, Melb complete with a teller over 20 years ago.

cheers, DL