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Thread: Jokes

  1. 6th July 2015, 02:28 PM #2961
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    AndyG
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    AS an ex Melburnian........

    God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh

    He inquired, --- "Where have you been?"

    God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, ---- "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, ---- "What is it?"

    "It's a planet," --- replied God, --- and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

    "Balance?" --- inquired Michael, ---- "I'm still confused."

    God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
    "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things..."

    God continued pointing to different countries. --- "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

    The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, --- "What's that one?"

    "That's Melbourne, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Melbourne are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
    They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, --- "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

    God smiled, --- "I will create Canberra

    Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there."...............
    By all means get a Defender. If you get a good one, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    apologies to Socrates

    Clancy MY15 110 Defender

    Clancy's gone to Queensland Rovering, and we don't know where he are
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  2. 6th July 2015, 03:19 PM #2962
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    korg20000bc
    korg20000bc is offline ForumSage
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    How did they circumcise Moby Dick?





    They sent down four skin divers.
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  3. 6th July 2015, 03:40 PM #2963
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    Did you hear about the welder's cat?


    It has acetylene kittens.
    Jim VK2MAD
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    '17 Isuzu D-Max
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  4. 8th July 2015, 11:03 AM #2964
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    Forgiveness.

    You may recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in 1981.

    Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

    There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated.

    Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley.

    We could all learn so much from this lady:

    To: John Hinckley

    From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

    My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in Your recovery.

    In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting Ronnie.

    We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation.

    We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.

    Best wishes,

    Nancy Reagan & Family

    P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.
    If you don't like trucks, stop buying stuff.
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  5. 8th July 2015, 12:01 PM #2965
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    When I saw the Thread title, I thought Crikey what has Ian gone and done????

    But, I thought wrong, didn't I, I should have realised that Ian is pure as the driven snow.
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  6. 8th July 2015, 12:11 PM #2966
    Ean Austral Guest
    Ha Ha Ha , obviously not a barack Obama fan..






    Cheers Ean
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  7. 8th July 2015, 01:42 PM #2967
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    The European bank has started a new printing run of Euros.

    They have decided to use grease proof paper ...
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  8. 8th July 2015, 05:25 PM #2968
    mikehzz Guest
    Is Obama a lesbian? Jodie bats for the other team doesn't she?
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  9. 9th July 2015, 05:41 PM #2969
    cruiser1
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    The Euro

    The EU has just announced that with immediate effect all Euro notes will be printed on Greece proof paper.
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  10. 9th July 2015, 09:57 PM #2970
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    Quote Originally Posted by cruiser1 View Post
    The EU has just announced that with immediate effect all Euro notes will be printed on Greece proof paper.
    Cruiser 1, go and have a read of the post two before yours.
    Dave.

    I was asked " Is it ignorance or apathy?" I replied "I don't know and I don't care."


    1983 RR gone (wish I kept it)
    1996 TDI ES.
    2003 TD5 HSE
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