Thread: Jokes

I can personally vouch for them being at least 60 years old.

Remember the 'Mummy, Mummy' jokes?

"Mummy mummy, why do i keep walking round in circles."
"Shut up or I'll nail the other foot to the floor."

etc., etc..........

Originally Posted by V8Ian

I can't claim the witticism as my own, Billy, it's much older than I.

Perhaps not but you did remember it. My early schooling was buy Nuns. I was caned in the first half of the first day for shouting. The imagery cracks me up.

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

Perhaps not but you did remember it. My early schooling was buy Nuns. I was caned in the first half of the first day for shouting. The imagery cracks me up.

So you can relate to Nuns not walking, but gliding, usually when you are being a bit naughty.

Yes.

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal, unless you're not getting any.

Originally Posted by d2dave

Q. What used to be black and white and red all over?

A. A news paper.

A magpie rolling down the hill with its throat cut

Cheers Rod

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The Mandurah rangers found over 200 dead crows on Manjoorgoordap road near Mandurah recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
They then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"

The Dishwasher, the Dog and the Parrot

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! "I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

And the parrot replied, "Get him Spike!"

See - Men just don't listen!