Thread: Jokes

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to **** off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out for blood.
"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool, so i gave him a glass of water.

Cheers Rod

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengance. We'll see about that.

Cheers Rod

Q. Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit song in years?

A. He dropped his pencil.

Cheers Rod

What do u call a dog without legs?

Doesn't matter. He's not comming anyway.

Cheers Rod

A sausage dog could roll

Then he'd be a sausage roll dog.

A teacher, giving her class a lesson on good manners asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date at a restaurant with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back."
"That’s better" the teacher said, "but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. What about you, John, can you show us your good manners?"
John enthusiastically replied: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."