Thread: Jokes

I'm trying to write a book about dump sites in Australia.
Has anyone got any tips?

At the this week's meeting of British Medical Professionals, there was a furious debate as to whether the BMP should pass a motion supporting Brexit. The allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. A pathologist yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing while the plastic surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no, in the end, the proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the parliamentary ... well, never mind.

I think my wife might be secretly dealing drugs.
There was a suspicious phone call this morning which I answered.
A male voice asked, "has that dope gone yet?".

I opened a window and influenza.

DL

When my wife left, I was sad, upset & lonely. Since then I've got a dog, bought a new motorbike, shagged 2 women & blown a grand on drugs & drink. She'll go bloody mental when she gets home from work.

Not bad for a morning's work Go.

BTW. Have you got the contact details for the 2 Shagees?

What sort of dog is it?

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts & a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club & a spade

AHhhhhhhhhh NOOOOOOooooooooo! Not another Eevo Mk2?